Department of Corrections
Public Jail Records
A searchable public registry of detainees of the City of Kekistan, maintained in the interest of municipal transparency.
Lord Percival Bussin
Offense: False Advertising (Was Not Bussin)
Pending
Booked June 7, 2026
Sentence: Awaiting taste test
Claimed a meal was bussin; it was, in fact, not bussin.
Marina Dankworth
Offense: Unlicensed Meme Distribution
Pending
Booked June 7, 2026
Sentence: Awaiting review by the Department of Memetic Affairs
Distributed original memes without a valid Meme Posting Permit.
Maximilian Yapp
Offense: Excessive Yapping
Incarcerated
Booked June 4, 2026
Sentence: 10 days
Yapped continuously for eleven hours in the Council gallery.
Mildred Touchgrass
Offense: Failure to Touch Grass
Released
Booked May 7, 2026
Sentence: Time served
Exceeded the maximum permitted screen time by 400%.
Mortimer Skissue
Offense: Having a Skill Issue in Public
Released
Booked May 12, 2026
Sentence: Released with coaching
Publicly demonstrated a skill issue and refused to git gud.
Ophelia Delulu
Offense: Excessive Delusion
Incarcerated
Booked May 31, 2026
Sentence: 20 days
Found to be operating beyond the sanctioned levels of delulu.
Otto von Ratio
Offense: Attempting to Ratio the President
Incarcerated
Booked June 3, 2026
Sentence: 60 days
Attempted, and failed, to ratio an official proclamation.
Penelope Quibb
Offense: Loitering near a Self-Sustaining Pond
Released
Booked May 18, 2026
Sentence: Warning issued
Loitered without intent to fish. Released with a stern but fair caution.
Prudence Glazely
Offense: Unsolicited Glazing
Released
Booked May 19, 2026
Sentence: Time served
Glazed a public official beyond the legal limit.
Seraphina Ragebait
Offense: Manufacturing Ragebait
Incarcerated
Booked May 30, 2026
Sentence: 50 days
Industrial-scale ragebait production in a residential pond district.
Sir Edmund Lowetter
Offense: Flag Disrespect
Released
Booked April 30, 2026
Sentence: Time served
Displayed the city flag upside down. Completed civic re-education.
Sir Reginald Copium
Offense: Distribution of Copium
Incarcerated
Booked June 2, 2026
Sentence: 30 days
Caught dispensing industrial quantities of copium after a lost debate.